The Phrase that Destroys Motivation

It's easy to fall into the trap of, “Yeah, but...” thinking and begrudge the success of others.

For example, a friend absolutely hates how successful his brother-in-law has become. He'll say, “Yeah, I’d like to do as well as he does, but he's so busy he has very little downtime.”

Another is surprisingly bitter simply because one of his friends is extremely fit. He'll say, “Yeah, I’d like to be in that kind of shape, but he has to run like 30 miles a week to stay that way.”

Sound familiar?

It’s easy to look at people who are successful and begrudge their success. So we say, “Yeah,but he constantly watches what he eats” about a thin friend, or, “Yeah, but he’s a slave to his schedule” about a friend who achieves multiple goals, or even, “Yeah, but he took on way too much risk when he started his company” about an entrepreneur we know.

Yeah, but: That’s how success works. Fit people are fit because they work out. Successful people are successful because they put in tremendous effort. People who enjoy significant rewards tend to take significant risks (at least to us; to them the risk is calculated) along the way.

Nothing worth achieving comes without a price and to begrudge those who willingly pay the price is unfair. After all, when we're unwilling to pay the price our efforts -- such as they are -- always end in failure.

Flip the Equation

The next time you think about trying to achieve a goal, first decide if you really want to pursue that goal. If the answer is yes then the rest isn’t easy... but it is simple.

Just look around. No matter the goal, plenty of people have already succeeded. Great blueprints and easy-to-follow road maps are everywhere. If you want to start a business, don’t look at the guy down the street who only talks a good game; pick an entrepreneur who has succeeded and follow her example. Do, at least in large part, what she does.

Then you get to flip the, "Yeah, but..." thinking around: Yeah, it will be really hard, but it will definitely pay off.

Or if you want to run a marathon, don’t use the guy struggling on the treadmill beside you as an example; instead follow the training program of a person who has run a number of marathons. Yeah, it will be really hard... but it will definitely pay off.

If you don’t have what you want you have to be willing to pay the price to get it. So don’t begrudge the success of others. Do what they do. It works for them and will work for you.

And if you’re not willing to pay the price, that's cool. Simply accept the fact you aren't willing to pay the price and take that particular goal off your list.

When you let go of a goal you say you want to achieve but really aren’t willing to work to achieve you eliminate the emotional drain caused by chronic frustration... and you get more energy to spend on the goals you really are willing to work to achieve.

Then, instead of begrudging the success of others, you’ll be happy for them­—just like they'll be happy for you.